Progressive Really Wants Communism But Is Worried There Won’t Be Gluten-Free Bread Lines

PORTLAND, OR — Local progressive and Anitfa member Declan Johnson has started to question his commitment to the communist revolution over concerns about a potential lack of gluten-free bread lines.

“I have a very sensitive stomach,” said Mr. Johnson. “The bourgeois must pay and all that, but the bloating from gluten is so uncomfortable.”

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